Idea of the Day

From Brides

Make sure to hold your bouquet just below your waist in pictures. This way it won’t block your dress details or dangle by your hips.

Idea of the Day

From Brides

Event planner Yifat Oren of California suggests, “Rather than cluttering the table with favors, treat guests to an end-of-the-night surprise by having the valet hang a sweet treat, with a note, from the rearview mirrors of their cars."

Centerpieces

From Modern Bride

Centerpieces do not have to be identical. Go traditional with some table displays, and decorate others with unconventional arrangements.

Tips on Maintaining Intimacy

Fully Bonded: Tips on Maintaining Intimacy

By Anne Trubek

Being half of a great partnership isn't a guarantee that you will stay together. If intimacy isn't there, being great partners isn't always enough. Here, five tips for fostering intimacy.

I was stunned when my marriage fell apart. My ex and I worked together, shared parenting duties, and were best friends. Everything worked so well, I never questioned it. But although our marriage was a great partnership, it lacked intimacy, and that is a knife that cuts both ways. Experts say if you want to gauge the level of intimacy in your relationship, consider the amount of time you spend with a locked gaze.

"Eye contact is absolutely essential to maintaining intimacy in a relationship," says clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist David Schnarch, Ph.D., author of Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships. "Even during sex." Aha. In our marriage, the sex was there, but we were often silent, and more telling, when face-to-face, our eyes were averted or closed.

But there's more. "Men and women both need to know that hugging, kissing, and even fair fighting are just as important to maintaining intimacy," says New York–based marriage counselor Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., author of Financial Infidelity. Here is how you can improve intimacy.

LOCK LIPS
A recent study conducted at Lafayette College found that kissing releases oxytocin (the neurochemical that makes you feel bonded) and decreases cortisol levels, so it may also reduce stress. Just keep it relatively clean in front of the kids.

MAKE SMALL CONNECTIONS
"Intimacy is established by the little things we do throughout the day," says Weil. This means cuddle up with her for a few minutes in bed, ring her from the office, or give her a kiss when you get home before saying hello.

DEVELOP A SECRET CODE
Remember when you first started dating and exchanged knowing looks in public? The looks that meant "I'm going to destroy you when we get home"? Re-create that excitement and anticipation by making up a secret symbol (like raising an eyebrow or tugging on your ear) and try it out next time you're at a party.

OPEN YOUR EYES
To be truly intimate, you need to look your partner in the eyes during sex. "There is an elegant process by which people sell themselves on the idea that sex is more romantic with the lights off," says Schnarch, "but that isn't the case. Eye contact usually denotes connection, and sex without it limits your intimacy."

FIGHT IT OUT
"Couples who don't fight are usually the ones who have affairs," says Weil. "Conflict creates passion." Set aside a few minutes each week to vent your frustrations. Afterward, engage in "high-energy play" such as having sex or exercising together. "These activities produce endorphins and reconnect couples."

How Clever

How Clever!
We asked readers to share their secrets for keeping wedding expenses under control. Prepare to get inspired! by Susan Schneider“I saved a substantial amount on flowers. The week before the wedding I went to a flower market and placed my order. On the morning before the wedding I picked up the flowers, and bought ribbons and other materials. My friends and I put together bouquets and corsages for six bridesmaids, seven groomsmen and other bridal party members. For our tables, I decided to do something simple with the hotel’s centerpieces, which consisted of mirrors and hurricane lamps. We made leafy-green wreaths to place around the lamps—guests enjoyed being able to see each other across the tables! We set a vase of roses on the sign-in table and moved it to the gift table during dinner. All of this cost us less than $250.” —Shari“The most creative thing I’ve done so far is deciding to use an iPod for the reception music instead of hiring a band. Since I own an iPod and all the music we love is already on it, it doesn’t cost us a thing!” —Jen­­­­­“If you are a college student with a valid ID, many places will give you a student discount. I found some frosted votive candles at a local shop, and they gave me a percentage off when I showed them my ID. I know that many restaurants will also give you about a 10% discount—great for a rehearsal dinner.”—Tiffany“We saved on decorations by asking family and friends to bring things from home, like garden greenery, porcelain dolls, candles and lighting. I knew what everyone had, so I was sure I’d like whatever they contributed.”—Nikki“I fired my caterer! I asked him to come up with a menu for a French country-style wedding. He presented me with a Mediterranean-style menu and insisted it was French country. I considered whether to just accept it, because we were very pressed for time. Instead, I said no, and hired a different caterer, who was much less expensive because she was new in our area. I got exactly the meal I’d envisioned.” —Jess“The smartest thing I did was hit the post-holiday sales for bargains on things like candles, place mats, small picture frames and vases. I got as much as half off on most items. A friend of mine got to all the post-Easter sales and loaded up on pastel-colored candies for a candy buffet.” —Geri“I chose a white-on-white color scheme, but then I suddenly decided I wanted color too. So I got an inexpensive sky-blue runner for the long dinner table and napkins in a slightly darker blue. Then I added dark- blue votives that I borrowed from a friend. It was a quick change, and it didn’t cost much either.” —Vicky“For a fall wedding I collected lots of pinecones, acorns, twigs and faux colorful leaves. I bought large plastic transparent vases, filled them with my gatherings and arranged tealight candles—very cheap!—around each vase. I also filled bowls with apples, gourds and small pumpkins.” —Marcy“At my daughter’s Florida wedding, we had a beach theme. For the chapel runner, we chose inexpensive straw mats. We set up beach umbrellas for the food stations, and served fun foods like cotton candy, popcorn, candy apples and chocolate-covered pretzels. If you’re on a tight budget, you have to be creative!” —KathyWrite to budgettips@bridalguide.com to share your cost-cutting secrets.

Building a Strong Financial Foundation

Building a Strong Financial Foundation

Have a plan!

Having a road map and knowing where you're going brings a much greater sense of control over your destiny than moving blindly into the future. Developing common goals and having a common vision of your future together can go a long way toward helping you achieve your dreams. An effective plan for actually making your financial goals a reality will help reduce any insecurity you may feel about money, and your ability to create it or spend it appropriately. Spending time discussing your current financial situation and your beliefs about money is an important part of building a healthy and viable marriage. Starting that process before you tie the knot can alleviate unnecessary surprises and build greater trust between you and your future spouse. List 10 things you would like to achieve Can you list ten things you would like to achieve in the next year, five years, ten years and beyond? This might include where you want to live, owning your own home, whether or not you want children and how many, how you will handle past debts (if any), job options and locations, educational opportunities, and so on. Create a vision of your goals If you think about it, all of these topics are related to money. It is important that you and your mate share similar values. Create a vision board by cutting out pictures of the things you really want and the goals you want to achieve. Add to it as your goals change. Keep it in a location of your home where you see it often. You're much more apt to take the power out of money that most of us give it if you establish a clear direction and realistic ways for getting there. Money should work for you, not against you. Develop a financial plan with a professional advisor Next it would be wise to create an effective financial plan. Sometimes this can be an overwhelming task and often it is easier to develop your plan with the help of a qualified financial advisor. Make sure the person you chose to work with not only has excellent credentials and years of experience, but is also someone you can relate to comfortably and a person you both trust. You might consider adding a certified public accountant (CPA) and an attorney whose expertise includes wills, trusts and estate planning to your team, as well. Surrounding yourself with strong professional advisors who support you and help you make wise decisions throughout your life can be an invaluable asset to building your future success. Review, update and organize important documents Although it is important to have well thought out and defined short and long term goals, any good financial plan needs to be fluid and should change with you as you grow and move through life. Start by taking a snap shot view of your current financial situation. Gathering all your data can be a challenge in itself. Current information on your individual and combined income and expenses, your bank accounts, investments, retirement funds and the like are only part of your picture. Documents such as wills, life, health and disability insurance policies, auto and homeowners insurance, and recent tax returns are also important papers to review, update and coordinate with your future spouse. If you haven't put some of these vehicles in place, this is a great time to begin that process. Your financial advisor may be able to help you with some of these products and if not, he or she should be able to recommend appropriate resources. It is important to ensure that you are both well protected on all fronts. Develop a realistic budget It's good to do this for your wedding and honeymoon costs too. Once you have a budget, track your income and expenses to make sure you're resources are being used to their fullest potential. Where you earn and spend your money says a lot about what you value in life. Saving for your future needs to be a priority and is often the last item on our list. Ask your financial advisor to help you figure out what you need to be putting away for your first house, your children's college education or your own retirement, so you have an incentive to build a solid financial base. All of these topics are part of a good financial plan and can get a little challenging to discuss at times, so it's important to lighten up and make this process fun. Life is good, especially if you know you're on the right track. Financial planning and building a strong financial foundation can make the process and your life a lot more fun. Be patient and take baby steps. Remember, it's the journey, not the destination that brings you joy! (Pris) Cilla McIntyre Payne Financial Advisor Matrix Group Financial Services 4620 N. US 31 North Traverse City, MI 49686 Direct Line: (231) 938-3205 FAX: (231) 938-3013 priscillap@matrixfinancialservice.com Matrix Financial Service

Six Great Fall Dates

By Tobey Grumet Segal

Fall is a great time to fall deeper in love … bond with your beau in six cozy ways.

Make the most of the season with these romantic activities-for-two—from stargazing to pot-pie baking to tailgating.

Learn how to cook comfort food
Cooler temperatures tend to bring out your inner homebody, making fall a prime time to learn how to cook the best comfort foods. What’s better than a piping hot chicken potpie or homemade macaroni and cheese to fill you up and keep you warm in the post-summer chill? Plus working side-by-side with your sweetie is a fun, domestic way to bond. Check cookforfun.shawguides.com to find a class near you.

Celebrate Oktoberfest
The beer-centric festivities traditionally begin in the first week of September and last until the last week of October. The largest celebration is in Munich, of course, but plenty of opportunities reside stateside to listen to an oompah band, dance the polka, nosh on pretzels and try some of the finest specialty beer the German people have to offer. Hoist a pint, get a little woozy, split a bratwurst, and you’ve got one fun fall date. Go to www.partyguideonline.com/foodndrink/Octoberfest for information on events nearest you.

Go pumpkin-picking
Travel back to your Charlie Brown childhoods and pick your own pumpkin together from the patch. Place bets to see who can find the biggest — or weirdest-shaped — hunk of squash, then lug it home together to carve. Log on to pumpkinpatchesandmore.org for nationwide pumpkin-patch listings.

Scare yourselves silly
You may be too old to trick-or-treat, but you’re definitely not too old for another Halloween tradition: Scary movies. Rent one of the classics—Psycho, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Shining—or head to fearfulfilms.com for more suggestions. Then cuddle up with a bowl of popcorn, some Goobers and Raisinets, and get ready to grab each other for support!

Fly kites
Those swift and steady fall winds are perfect for kite flying, so go buy two colorful kites and hit a beach or open field. Staring up at the clouds, listening to the breeze, and enjoying some quiet time together can be the ultimate bonding experience.

Throw a tailgate party for two
Whether you’re already a fan or just looking for an offbeat date idea, football season can definitely deliver—anything from a pro game to your local high-school homecoming festivities will get your adrenaline going. Pack a picnic (chili, chips, steaming hot chocolate, and whatever else you two are craving) and a heavy blanket; then head to the stadium on the early side for an intimate tailgate party for your own. Need some recipes? Check out chiff.com/entertain/tailgate.htm.

Tobey Grumet Segal is a New York-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in Self, New York, The New York Observer, Modern Bride and Maxim. Fall is her favorite season and every year, she and her husband love to pick their own pumpkins.


Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.